Last night I made Chicken Stew. It was quite delicious if I do say so myself. Dad has not been eating very well lately, and last night was no exception. I gave him a small bowl of stew and some fresh sourdough bread. He ate half a slice of bread and three bites of stew.

Today he did not want anything for breakfast. Now, keep in mind breakfast for him is about 11:30 am. I made several suggestions, nothing sounded good, and he groaned and pulled a face at every food item I suggested. Mom wanted chicken stew as she has lunch at 11:30 when dad is having breakfast. We asked dad if he wanted stew or soup as well. He asked what kind? I told him it was the chicken soup we had last night. He pulled a ridiculous face and proceeded to tell me he didn't like the soup last night. When mom asked him why he didn't like it, he told her "because I found a beak in mine"! WHAT??? WHEN??? WHY??? HOW??? I don't know how he comes up with this stuff sometimes!

Just so you all know, there was not a beak in his soup, I made the soup from the Costco rotisserie chicken we had for dinner the night before, no beak then, no beak now! And, by the way, he had me make him a chocolate shake for breakfast!

Dialysis

Mom, Dad and I have had several lengthy discussions regarding dialysis. Well, actually mom and I have had the discussions and have tried to get dad to comment, not too successfully. Today we turned the TV off rather than just down and had him actually participate, minimally.
Mom keeps thinking she is going to quit dialysis and then the next day decides she will keep going. This has gone on and on, today we really talked about it. I told her it was too hard on her to keep making this decision, over and over again. She thinks she will quit, then the next day decides she will not quit, back and forth. Today I told her let's make a decision and then make it work (yes Kib, I do listen to you sometimes, and even follow your guidance).
As long as they can do dialysis, mom is going to continue going. Her calling in life right now is to be here for and with dad, and as long as the doctors can keep her there, she believes this is where she should be. She believes she does not have much in the way of quality of life, but if you look at it another way, she has everything regarding quality of life if her calling in life at this time is to be with dad. She wants no additional intervention, but as long as the clinic can administer dialysis, mom is going to continue. That could change at any time, depending on some kind of complication, but she is going to continue until the center tells her there is nothing more they can do or until her heart gives out on her.
I have assured her I will support her with this decision, and dad was very emotional as he expressed he felt this was the right decision.
Her heart is not healthy as we all know, her blood pressure is sky high, but for some reason, she "takes a licking and just keeps on ticking" (an old Timex watch slogan). We decided God is in the "driver's seat" regarding all of this, and if He had wanted her home before now he has had plenty of chance to take her. He has provided the doctors and treatment options for her to allow her to be here to serve dad for a while longer. She does nothing more than keep an eye on dad, keep him company, watch tv, talk on the phone, get him water or twinkies once in a while, and look through her old pictures and papers. She is happy, and will continue on in this path as long as God allows her to. Maybe just as dad needed this past 3 years to mend his relationship with his family, mom needs some time to serve dad at this time.
(Her other reason for not wanting to quit dialysis now is that the weather is not very good in Utah for a burial, and she does not want to be buried in the winter. She is hoping that when the time comes it will be pleasant weather, not cold and snowy. She laughs when she explains this, and I see Grandma Lott in her when she tries to rationalize everything like this. But......I tend to agree. A summer burial is much more pleasant than winter)
At this point in time, we are not going to pursue hospice for mom, but will focus on her life rather than possible death. She has spent way too much time lately thinking about dieing, and we are going to acknowledge that is inevitable, sooner than later, but I would like her to dwell on living for now.
The "decision" has been made, and I am going to help her make it work now. I just wanted to let you all know as this has been such a back and forth decision for her for several months now, and I am going to put it to rest. I want you all to know this is the right decision, and I feel very much at peace with this decision, as does mom and dad.
Thank you all for all of your love and support, you are the best! Keep up the phone calls and conversations, mom lives for them, dad enjoys them if they don't come during Glenn Beck, and I look forward to the distraction for both of them. (This picture was taken at the hospital in November, not at the dialysis center)

Grandkids Trevor and Lydia (Lisas kids)

Trevor and Lydia
Love visiting with Grandma and Grandpa! Trevor likes to watch T.V. with Grandpa and will read scriptures to him. Lydia has learned from the BEST at making faces!!! (see Farrins "stretching smile" below). Trevor really enjoys playing chess and checkers with Grandma. Lydia likes doing puzzles and games with Grandma. We have really enjoyed all the time we have had in Arizona. I think mom and dad enjoy watching the kids play, they look at the kids with contentment and a smile on their faces. The kids really know Grandma and Grandpa love them and they love their gradma and grandpa very, very much.

The LIttle Boy and The Old Man

I found this poem written by Shel Silverstein. It made me sad.....

The Little Boy and the Old Man by Shel Silverstein

Said the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."

Said the old man, "I do that too."

The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."

"I do that too," laughed the little old man.

Said the little boy, "I often cry."

The old man nodded, "So do I."

"But worst of all," said the boy,

"It seemsGrown-ups don't pay attention to me."

And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.

"I know what you mean," said the little old man.

Just a Little Bit Independent

Yes, this is just as it looks. We had finished dinner and dad starts to wheel his chair away from the table. First, he headed into the bathroom. This was a major challenge, but he made it. He wanted to blow his nose! He pushed himself backwards out of the bathroom and came around into the kitchen. I just let him go as I know how frustrating it must be to have to be so dependent. The next thing I know, he is standing up getting water! I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and snapped a picture. You can tell by the look on his face he knows he has been caught. His next move was to try to get back into the chair. He almost made it, but lost his balance part way down, hit his elbow on the counter, and landed in the chair. He was a bit shook up after that, and didn't try that trick again. At least not yet.....

Ha ha ha...how funny is this? This a picture I found on mom's phone. She has had several, but I have no idea when this was taken. Girls....any ideas? You both look lovely! Haley, remember grandma telling you that if you pull faces like that you face will freeze like that?

Is it Cold in Here?

Lana has a client that crocheted these shawls for mom and dad. I don't know how anyone can be cold in their apartment as it is usually at about 80 degrees, but dad is always cold. When it was raining I didn't think we would ever keep dad warm, and then mom keeps the fan on just above dad. She likes it on low just to keep the air moving she says, but as soon as she leaves the room, dad rings the doorbell for me to come in and turn the fan off. There has to be a happy medium!

Mom turns the fans on full blast in her bedroom after dialysis. She comes home, cranks the fans up and goes to bed. For some reason, when I take dad to the bathroom and we come through the bedroom, just as we get to the bathroom door, he tells me to turn those fans off. Mom usually wakes up as soon as I turn them off and I turn them back on after getting dad back in his chair in the living room.

Dad also likes the heater turned on in the bathroom whenever he goes in there. The challenge here is I am going through a very toasty warm time in my life. I am always HOT. By the time I get dad out of the bathroom, I have sweat running down my face. I wonder what the summer will bring?